Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Frustrated

Threw away two paintings tonight.  

The first one was a simple still life of 3 bananas and a couple of  apples.  I had barely started when the urge to quit overwhelmed me.  I rushed through mixing the colors, knew they weren't right, but wanted to get something down.    I wanted to sketch out a drawing first, but did it in charcoal which was really dumb.  The paint mixed with the charcoal and I ended up with 3 terrible-looking bananas.  I threw the painting away, packed up my supplies and quit.

Of course I got mad at myself for giving up so easily, so a couple hours later I pulled out my paints and started again.  The second painting I consciously chose something simple:  a picture of a lemon I found on morgueFile (which is awesome, by the way).   I failed at color mixing, rushed, ended up not putting enough paint on the palette, had to stop and mix more color that didn't match well enough with what was already in the painting, rushed through the initial shape of the lemon botching it in the process, got frustrated and pitched it.

This is why people quit.  These are the thoughts going through my head right now:

  • This is too hard.  
  • It's too frustrating.
  • I don't get it.  How the hell do people do realistic portraits when I can't even paint the basic shape of a lemon?
  • Maybe I need to change what supplies I'm using.
  • Maybe I don't have it in me.
  • Maybe I don't have enough time to dedicate to this.  It will take a long, long time to get good at this.  
  • I could be doing something else that I might have better success with.  Am I wasting time doing this?
And a bunch of other nonsense.  I want to write this down because I'm not going to quit.  There's too many things I've wanted to learn, or too many hobbies I've wanted to try where I've been in this exact same position and ended up moving on to something else.  It's a pattern I know too well.  I don't want to move on to something else.   I'm going to come back and try again.  This is just how it feels and works when you stick something challenging out.

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